Here I am again; Met’s hat on my head, hands in my old blue jacket, jeans and sneakers. Walking in the rain on a Friday afternoon. I walk past a store front and guess what? I see my reflection and I am not the kid who I picture in my head.

I see an old girlfriend from another lifetime  – another place and time.

“Take my hand, Freddy.” I take her hand, no words spoken.
She leads me towards the subway station and tugs me up the stairs – swipes and we walk up the second flight and watch as a train rolls in. We walk in and, still holding my hand we sit in an empty car.

“What’s happening, Freddy?” She is looking me in my eyes and I see why I had fallen in love with her and so hard.
“You are asking me? Where are we going?”
“Coney Island, remember we used to go on the go-karts?”
“Yeah, but its raining and its Friday afternoon.”
“OK don’t worry we will be back in time.”
“Actually, I dont really care at this point. I am, wait a minute. What about you? What are you doing here? I thought you live in Sherman Oaks or something?”
“Don’t worry about that, that was another time, another place.”
I fall back into the hard seat, my head bangs against the wall slightly. I am so confused and lost in time between two lifetimes. But it feels so right to be here with her.
I put my head in my hands and she plays with the hair in the back of my head. I feel oddly comforted and somehow renewed.

“Where, when, how?” I ask.
“I don’t know, but here we are. I was watching you walk, babe, and you don’t look like the Freddy I remember.”
“I am not the Freddy you remember. People have all turned out to be false gods prayed to by the lost. Pretense and self promotion is all the rage these days.”
“I know I see your posts.”
“Thats all done in jest – but its a platform for me to express myself.”
“I like most of them. I love your blog and I feel like some of the stories are reflections of us. The dancing in the street, the running into the hills together to hide…that was home. Being with you was home.”
“You know I am married now?”
“Yes I do. Beautiful lady, with a lot of myself in her soul.”
“She is home to me – she is what we were only the pressures of this life and time are getting to me and I feel sad.”
“Remember that time we took that canoe out in, what was the name of that place.” She looks up with her soft smile.
“Uncertain, Texas.” I say, somehow another new memory is born, or reawakened.
“We were so lost in the wetlands you were so brave and made me feel so confident that all would be OK.”
“Well I was scared shitless but I didn’t want you to see it.”
Caddo_Lake_Uncertain.jpg“Its OK to be scared buddy, you know?” Buddy, ha. No one has called me that in a lifetime.
“Can I give you a hug?” She asked me.
“Sure.” I responded, it felt so natural.
She hugged me and I felt a feeling of coming back home, out of the cold and into the warmth.
“I have to leave now and this is your stop. So keep me in mind and remember that everything will be ok. Its ok to be scared but be strong and keep the faith!”
The train came to a quick stop and I opened my eyes to find myself embracing the bag I had with my book, some papers and my phone charger. I jumped up and out of the train. The rain was falling and I put on my Met’s hat. The temperature had dropped and I was doing a slow jog, OK a fast walk home. I was drenched by the time I made it home, I am kind of a slow fast walker.
I was shivering when I opened the door and the aroma from the kitchen and the warmth of the house soothed me. The sight of my wife walking towards me reminded me of Uncertain, Texas. I needed to be strong; I needed to remember my trust in God that everything will work out.

“Why are you smiling?” She asked me.
“I saw an old friend on the train.” I responded, “someone who reminded me who I was.”
“Okay; I need to finish up its late.”

I stood there smiling at her and she responded with a smile of her own.
“You are freaking me out.”

 

Advertisements