I am a creative person. It is a definite asset when it comes to assorted passions in my life. Being creative in the seduction of life’s roadblocks, detours or final destinations has brought me to unbridled ecstasy, pain and pure feelings of confusion. Confusion, due to the fact that not everyone has the same definition of the sights and sounds I experience.
As a creative person, people can be impatient with me and the decisions I make. For example. love is the ultimate achievement to me – expressing it both emotionally and physically – where creativity can lead one to both the summit and the nadirs of life. You see, creative people think too much, want more than others can offer and often find themselves wondering if they are crazy to have expectations, that, to others seem outlandish or unreasonable.
I walk in strange ways – sometimes I hop and sometimes I will walk on the bricks of a lawn just to change the course of my thinking.
I look at nature in awe and when I try to share those feelings, most people are kind enough to try and join in, but they are never truly awed as I am.
For example, you see, a tree is not just blocks of wood with branches and leaves. A tree, to me, is an expression of life that is sprouting from the ground, fortified by its girth and it’s relentless pursuit to regenerate. It’s main purpose in life is to reproduce. It begins with a seed, which fortified with carbohydrates and protein then turn into a “radicle.” Then, depending on the environment, begin to sprout both below – to access water and other vitamins, and above to receive the sun and it’s nutrients. A tree doesn’t simply show up; trees of all sizes, even redwoods, which grow up to 360 feets high – all begin with a seed. A seed the size of a popcorn kernel or smaller.
So when I see the trees, for example on a side street in Brooklyn, I marvel at the base of it, fortified over and over again by itself. The branches spreading out across the streets and working it’s way towards the sky. Birds singing to each other and feeding off of the lives that exist in the universe of this tree. A living thing that has withstood hurricane winds, snow, rain and sleet storms, way below zero temperatures, above 100 hundred degree sweltering days. Yet, still stands strong and continues in dignity.
That is what I see.
When the sun is setting and like a broken egg yolk, spreads it’s majestic colors across the western sky – I see a sun that has been there forever with a power which can never be duplicated. A sun that no matter what happens in the night – will be rising in the east come the morning.
The moon with it’s lonely place in the sky – keeping watch over us as we sleep – it’s wrinkles and pockmarks emitting a sense of age, of experience. For nothing worth admiring lacks the marks of pain, defeat, love and success.
I see it all in different shapes, forms, colors and definitions. I am, according to many people, “crazy.” That is ok – I’d rather be crazy and to posses the visions I have been blessed with.
In the eyes of strangers I can sense where they have been, what they have seen and what they yearn to be. In their voices I can sense the desperation, the hoarseness from crying, screaming and laughing.
In the sound of music memories and visions pop up and transport me to a place and time, from the past, present or future, where I can come and go as I please.
My love of the beauties of women…The softness of a woman’s lips, skin and the look in her eyes. The intelligence, the varieties of shapes and sizes which individually are accented by the beauty within that woman. One can have blue eyes – but without the spark inside of her lit up, they are simply a faded color. But with the spark within her on fire – browns, greens, blues or whatever colors – can dance with emotions, excitement and unrestrained possibilities.
I am creative, I love people and I love to see the real person. I write about them and I paint each individual with the different persona’s that I see in each person.
I am creative, I love life and I want to bring to light the dreams I have dreamed. I feel special, not in a narcissistic sort of way, but in a way that I am aware that I have been given special powers. Not in a superman sort of way, but the power to engage and to touch. My life has been spent in prisons throughout – from childhood on. The purgatory I find myself in now only leads to the frustrations of a creative mind. My only freedom is the love I have from my family, my friends. Yet…
I want more.
I want it all.
I want to change the world using the power of words, acts of kindness and respect. Silliness and laughter, compassion and empathy, love and peace, truth and the knowledge to understand when love and peace are not possible. Evil must always be defeated.
As I head onto my next destination, the next stop on my journey. I will get stared at, insulted, judged and will be disliked. I truly don’t really care about those judges who misjudge me out of jealousy or self-loathing. My strength is my inner self – my strength is love and the unwavering understanding and trust in my God.
I am who I am, I need more than the casual person.
I love more than the casual person and I yearn for the touch of love.
Still, tomorrow I will keep on looking for a job to pay the bills I have chosen to have. I will use my creativity to succeed to flourish. I will never lose the visions I see and feel, in the sights and sounds of this world.