Write a formal apology to the body parts you accidentally injure most often or with the greatest intensity. Identify your personal cause of clumsiness, i.e. impatience, shortsightedness, and giddy thrills. This is meant to be lighthearted; please avoid sinister forms of self-harm unless the result is somehow hilarious.

I look at you from up on high
You stand above the others with a permanent smile.
Your face is hard as a nail, your skin coarse and you have led the march for miles.
I try to pull the sock upon you but your head its sharp as a knife.
I want to caress you and to let you know just how bad I feel. To massage you on the inside and on your front side…
I have used you in order to rise above, gain speed and get me to where I dreamed to go. You have rarely let me down – you have always rose to the occasion.
If I could I would, if I could I would have a beautiful lady stand above you and to soften your hardened self.
If I could free you of the stiffening sense that can sometimes cause pain, I would rub you and feather you to health and to peace.
You stand among smaller ones and you lead the army into the battles, into wars always victorious with every step.
I have hurt you, I have put way too much weight upon you and I have had times where I should have worn protection, yet I felt reckless and I acted selfish…but you just kept on keeping on.
I am sorry, I am sincerely contrite and I am excited, titillated and looking forward to the time when that lady stands above you, licking her lips and moisturizing her hands, her instruments of pleasure…
When I earn it I will allow it – a full body massage with emphasis on you, my hallux. Shame on you if you thought I was referencing my Phallus.

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