It begins with the birth of an emotion. Unsure of just what the nature of it you shrug it off and try to force sleep. Suddenly you are aware of your heartbeat…
Breathing becomes uneasy and suddenly sweat appears upon your brow and your upper lip. Throw off the cover and then you begin to shiver ever so slightly.
Your heart is beating and its like a pendulum only you feel as if it is speeding up as the tempo of your emotions begin to unravel.
You want to jump up, you want to disappear, you want to scream although you do not know what it is you fear.
A feeling of lying in a foxhole, dug up to hide from the enemy. You lay there cowering yet you have no idea just what, who or why you are cowering from.
A shadow casts upon the walls and you cover your face…Shaking, shaking now, are they coming for me?
Suddenly you see yourself as if watching from an overhead camera. You are invisible and your inner thoughts are easily seen. There is a lone lightbulb hanging on a chain bringing a soft glowing false illumination. You are in a fetal position laying on a cot and your eyes are darting left, right, up and down.
You stand up but you fear your heart will explode, so you cautiously move across the floor. Invisible prison bars hold you captive, invisible emotions are driving you insane as you search for freedom.
A fly is circling around and you can hear it as it takes off and then lands, rubbing its arms together as if ready for a meal. Its in the air now and flying in disorganized flight patterns. You can hear it clearly and you can see into its bulging eyes as it frantically searches…for what?
Your heart is so fragile and its beating to the rhythm of insanity and you are hot and sweating…you feel a breeze ever so slight and you begin to feel a sub zero chill and your teeth begin to chatter…you bury yourself in the covers and then feel the need to run, to run to freedom…you sense yourself running in a maze only you are still standing still.
The fly is stuck on a fly ribbon now and I can see its wings attempting to take flight but its no use, its legs cemented into the trap. Still its wings continue to flap…as if he will be set free.
The lone light bulb begins to flicker and your heartbeat begins to slow down as you inhale the dusty stale air.
A tidal wave, a tornado, these millions of emotions stop me from moving. The prison bars are coated with oils of anxiety and fear, unable to be grasped, held or pulled apart. Like the fly I am waving my arms searching for help, for salvation, for freedom from this albatross that hangs over me.
Sleep will come and when the sun rises the bars will be open and the day will begin anew. But the scars will remain as souvenirs from a midnight captivity in a prison cell, in a fox hole, in a bed, encircled forever by the emotional demons that have plagued me.