I cant write.
I sit by my laptop at night or early in the morning and I draw a blank.
I think about people I have seen on the trains, the streets or in cafes. I think about the customers I have met, family members and friends. Their faces and demeanor scream stories but my brain wont speak to my fingers.
So I sit here and my brain wanders off to unpaid bills, upcoming repairs and any hope of saving a nickel or dime simply fades away.
Prospects slip from my view and the self-esteem I once held in such high esteem has fallen away and is nowhere to be seen.
Clouds are simply clouds and stars are simply balls of very hot gas. Her eyes are eyes, her neck is simply a neck. The sun setting on the horizon is simply the earth spinning away from the sun.
Words are lost to simplicity and my fingers constantly punch the wrong keys.
My mind is afloat, caffeine is impotent and voices are screeches of finger nails across a blackboard.
Songs are off tune and lyrics have no meaning; food is tastless as is the water I drink. Wine has lost its color, vodka was always clear and the tequila is sitting up in the shelf somewhere and I am too lazy to stretch.
Work is impossible – mountains simply patches of rocks and dirt piled up high. Rainbows have no meaning and the moon has turned aside to avoid any eye contact.
I am listless, lonely, frustrated, hungry for love, lusting for love, in search of success and finding an empty cup of coffee in place of the treasure I had been promised.
So as I sit here depressed in solitude – although I sit among friends – I wonder if the sun will ever again bring warmth and rhymes to the stories in my mind.
Will her eyes ever shine with the love inside of her warming me, inspiring me to keep on walking on and on?
Will music ever set me to dance, sing or to have my heart pump a little quicker?
Will words ever come back to me with stories of strangers created in my image?
Will success every truly come calling or will I continue to waste away on line at this barren supermarket from hell?